Thoughts on Work, Writing and Life

Way back at the end of 1998, I left bedside nursing for a managerial post and in 2001, I moved on to an administrative post with a risk management company. When that job ended in early 2004, I decided that I no longer wanted to be in the nursing world. I'd originally trained as an RN at the suggestion of my father and for a number of reasons, had never pursued my love of reading, writing, literature, film etc, so when I found myself with a small retrenchment package and an even smaller pension payout, I took a chance and started freelancing as an editor/writer. I wanted a new identity for myself now that I was in my 40s and was determined to find it doing something I really loved - ie working with words!

In the beginning, I worked mainly on commercial projects - brochures, directories, newsletters etc. I was lucky to get quite a lot of work via a friend who is a successful graphic designer, but I struggled to find the oomph to go out and rustle up business for myself. We scraped by on my earnings and the various packages until early 2005, when economic necessity forced me to face up to the fact that I needed more money than I was earning as a freelancer if I wanted to survive.

I fought long and hard against the idea of doing relief RN shifts - going back to nursing felt just like 'failing' to me. In the end, with a great deal of unhappiness, I signed up with an agency and did some shifts in ICU and HiCare at a local hospital. I hated it - I felt stupid, incompetent, out of my depth and useless - but the money was more than useful! So 2005 to the end of 2007 saw me doing a combination of part time RN work and some freelance stuff. Some months were great and others were really tight, but we never starved and I never missed a mortgage payment either.

Towards the end of 2007, with my USA emigration process staggering along in fits and starts, I started reviewing options for 2008. This, the year in which I faced up to turning 50, had to be a year that meant something, in which I achieved something out of the ordinary to mark the event (and probably to prove to myself that I wasn't a failure / loser / ordinary etc ...) I decided to pursue a new qualification which I hoped would be useful to me in the US.

But none of that worked out - my house sale fell through meaning I had NO spare cash in the bank to fund a sabbatical year, plus there was a screw-up and I didn't get into the course I'd applied for. Major bummer all round. Think again time ... and only six months left before 50 showed up. In the end, it wasn't that hard a decision. I needed a regular income, I'd been doing relief work for the past 18 months with a LTC facility and they had an opening. I figured if nothing else, I could spend my free time writing properly again for a change, the way I used to do before I started freelancing. So by April the 1st, I started back in fulltime nursing.

Now here's the odd and very surprising thing: I'm happier and more at peace now than I have been in a very long time. It's not just the job, of course, although I have to say I am really, really happy there, for many different reasons (like the people, like the ambience, like the feeling that I'm good at what I do, like building relationships with my patients etc etc.) It's also living in a place that is much more 'me', it's coming to terms with the spiritual and philosophical issues that have caused me so much deep heartache over the last few years, and it's seeing my kids moving on and feeling secure and happy too.

So all that remains for this year is to get actually Write The Book. And get through July 6th in one piece ... anyone got any wonderful ideas on a unique way to celebrate a 50th?