One Giant Leap

I did it - made the break, took the leap and flew half way round the world to start a new life!

Today, it is exactly 11 weeks since we arrived in New Zealand, landing at Wellington International airport on a Sunday morning at the end of January. Since then, we've moved three times, I started work at a new job, my girl started her new school and the good news is that so far, we are 95% thrilled to be here. It's beautiful, cultural, peaceful yet vibrant, friendly and very civilized.

The other 5% is interesting. I don't miss South Africa except in a generalized, slightly nostalgic kind of way - such as when I remember Scarborough beach, Kirstenbosch gardens, the squatter camps on the way to the airport, the hospital wards where I did my training years ago, the farm I grew up on .. that kind of thing. All the memories of times long ago and scenes unchanging ... I do miss our people: mum and dad, family get togethers, my book club and writers group friends - that warm sense of belonging that years spent together brings with it. My girl misses her best friends back home, but within days of arriving, she met a lovely British girl with the same zany sense of humor who also loves shopping and shoes and music and movies - and at school, she's part of a small group of new and good friends where she feels welcome and accepted. So life is good for her in that regard.

However, there are two things that have surprised me - and yet, neither one should have! The first is the comparative lack of emails/communcation from all the people I left behind. In the first few weeks, I spent a lot of time emailing and updating our new journey blog, yet comments were minimal and emails even fewer. My two brothers, being family, are the worst offenders. So far, I've had NO emails from the one, and only two one-line replies to a direct question from the other. Hmmmf.

Back in Fish Hoek, it took years and years of effort and taking the initiative before I felt part of a small group of like-minded folks. We were all church folk to start with and coming in as a forty-something single mom meant I didn't fit the mould - I couldn't be invited to dinner because who would the husband talk to? I worked fulltime mostly, so I didn't get to hang out with other mums at extramural and sports events. Added to that, I'm an intelligent introvert who doesn't relate easily to the somewhat superficial chit-chat of parties and pubs and so on - well, it took a while before I felt I belonged. Those friends I made were important to me, but I didn't see them daily or even weekly. So why was I surprised to not get emails back from all of them? Maintaining long-distance friendship requires energy and time, and even back in Fish Hoek, both these commodities was in short supply.

The other thing that surprises me is that I'm starting to feel a yearning to be in a place of worship again. I don't want to go to a church service full of happy clappy songs and fiery sermons about redemption and sin and atonement and so on. But deep inside me there is a yearning to be in a place where there is a sense of presence, a sense of the sacred; a place where I can be silent and still and go deep inside myself to just be quiet and listen and feel ... there is a definite longing for the God I used to love.

If I think about it, I shouldn't be surprised by this either, especially given that this is Easter. I grew up with this God. He is woven into the tapestry of my past. His values, his judgements and his hopes for me permeated every aspect of my life for well over thirty years. I'm still stirred by music like Handel's Messiah, by a few (very few) contemporary christian songs and by the writings of modern christians like Henri Nouwen and Kathleen Norris. My head tells me one thing, but my heart instinctively yearns for the old, safe, emotionally-comforting God I used to know. The good thing is that I'm getting to the place where there is room inside my agnosticism for growth of all kinds. :-)

We'll see. It's a new world, a new life and a new me ... I've even been on a real date since arriving in Welly, with a very decent and likeable man. I'm not ready for romance yet, not by a long chalk, but life is full of possibilities right now, and that's a good place to be!