The second reason ...

It's official. I am now a NaNoWriMo 2005 dropout.

Although I feel relieved to have made the decision, I hate the feeling that comes with having started something and then not completed it. My inner tape player starts spooling the same old tunes I've played time and time again over the years - no-good loser, weakling, drop-out ... failure. But having examined my reasons - second one coming up now - I can actually turn that tape off this time - woo hoo! And that's progress, big personal inner progress. I must also admit that I feel some regret, but that regret had nothing to do with my not writing! It's purely regret at not being a part of the 'team' any more, of not going every day to see how my word counts stacks up against my writing buddies' word counts - in other words, I'm missing not being in the competition anymore! So down, vile competitive spirit! Begone!

So, the other reason.

And maybe this is an even more important reason in terms of life. I gave up NaNo because I had to make a choice about my present priorities. I'm in the middle of a life-changing process right now. Having been born, bred and lived the last forty-plus years in South Africa, I'm attempting at last to fulfil a long-held dream of emigrating to the US!! Woo hoo again!!

It's quite a long process and can take two to two and a half years in total. I received a job offer from a hospital group in Northern California. But the next step is that I have to take an exam called the NCLEX , which will enable me to practice as an RN in the US. This is not an easy exam to pass - current stats reveal that only 75% of first timers pass the test, and only 42% of repeat takers get through. There is also a financial outlay as the test gets taken in the US and airfares are pricy. IF I pass, I will be reimbursed from my relocation allowance. If I fail, I will be deep in debt and my hopes and dreams will be in tatters and shreds.

So, with the exam looming in Feb next year, I have to study a lot more than I am doing right now. And at my 'advanced' age, it also takes more mental effort than it used to.

So, tied to my feeling discussed in yesterday's post, and that my evaluation test scores are only showing up at round 60% (you have to be hitting a regular 75% to be ready for the NCLEX), I don't feel bad anymore about being a NaNo dropout.

Elleann.

Unravelling life ... one word at a time.